Your BDE for the Semester: Attack of the Idiot Balls

[makemyownway.livejournal.com]

Obi-Wan: Wait a minute. How did this happen? We’re smarter than this.
Anakin: Apparently not.

Curse that fifth floor common room television! Finally tired of it showing random crap, several of our intrepid science-types take it apart the evening of Tuesday, December 4, to figure out why it hates rich students so much. They don’t find out, but when they turn it back on to see if they’ve fixed it, it’s stuck on '50s-era sitcoms: black and white, laugh tracks, implausible story lines, ridiculous skirts, the works.

Wednesday morning, everyone who had been in that common room wakes up in black and white and acting like characters in said '50s shows (not the actually, historic '50s, but the idolized, un-nuanced America-through-the-TV version). The rest of the school/town boggles as these folks extol the virtues of married people sleeping in twin beds, wearing mink stoles, cooking with canned soup and vacuuming in high heels and strings of pearls (well, everyone other than Rilla, who is thrilled so many of her fellows are finally starting to see sense…).

Those who spend extended time interacting with the afflicted (multiple pings of interaction, not just being in the same classroom) will wake up Thursday as black and white, poodle-skirt wearing pod people too. Those with less exposure can develop a fondness for the Big Bopper, bobby socks and ponytails, but not go all the way if they'd prefer. The black-and-white Fandomites like this easier, less complicated world view and get really tired of their fellow island mates insisting that they hadn’t always felt this way.

Meanwhile, the amount of idiotic thoughts and actions thus engendered calls to the Migratory Dodos:



which have been hovering around Washington DC during election season anyway. They travel to Fandom Thursday afternoon, make themselves comfortable on the beach and in the reserve and begin laying idiot balls (because of course dodos would lay idiot balls). Idiot balls are shiny and fist sized, and oh-so-tempting to pick up. Holding one (or getting hit by one) will lead to characters behaving out of character (or in the case of those who were already Happy Dazed, even further out of character), misunderstanding something that could be cleared up by asking a simple question or performing a simple problem solving action (in this case, two: destroying the fifth floor TV and scaring the birds off). The effects will wear off in a few hours unless the person drops the ball into their pocket, wears it around their neck like a shiny pendant, etc. By Friday, the number of idiot balls being produced will reinforce their powers of making-people-dumb, leading to an island-wide Third Act Stupidity effect, so even if your character is not holding a shiny ball, they won't be brilliant any longer. Sorry, Tony.

How Do We Stop This?

As you might have noticed already, there are two different problems to solve: getting rid of the dodos and killing the fifth floor television. We'd like the dodos to be eliminated on Friday (the '50s effect will last a day longer), but we leave the specifics of how up to you. In this BDE, there quite literally is no idea too stupid not to try. There's a handy piece of OCD below this to brainstorm out how to get a gang of people together to go blow up some dodos, but your motivation is entirely up to you! Maybe a dodo stole your girlfriend! Maybe you think they're part of some Vast '50s Communist Conspiracy! Maybe you just like blowing things up!

The dodos will be fighting back, and they have numbers on their side, which is good because they don't exactly have tactical brilliance. (Or decent YouTube content.) The fight between dodos and Happy Dazed Fandom should be hilarious well-matched.

As for the television, we're taking volunteers to be RNGed for that particular problem, also in the OCD below. For the entertainment of those who are spurned by the RNG, there’ll be a Student Council-sponsored sock hop occurring the same night, which will get a lot more colorful once Fandom returns to what passes for normal!

I was born in the '70s '80s or (oh God) '90s and Have No Idea How '50s People Behaved. Help?

Much of this information links back to either TV Tropes or Mystery Science Theater clips on YouTube, so click with caution if you like having free time...

Fifties Trope Types:

Fifties Dad:
--was born in a small town in the US Midwest. His parents were farmers of some sort, or perhaps his father was a druggist. A veteran, he put himself through college (possibly through the G.I. Bill) and is now a white-collar professional... unless he's a doctor or the owner of his own store (pharmacy, shoe store, grocery, etc.). The Standard '50s Father is solid, dependable, and responsible. He's Happily Married to his wife, who he met when they were both teenagers. And if the love he gives his children is slightly distant, it is no less heartfelt for being so. He's an upstanding citizen who rarely swears or drinks to excess, if he smokes he smokes a pipe, and attends a regular "bowling night" with his friends. He wears a shirt and tie with dress pants and a cardigan during the day (even while he cuts the lawn on Saturday morning) and sleeps in sensible cotton pajamas. He's buttoned-down, calm, wise, and thoughtful.

Housewife:
--This is the traditional role of women at least through the children's pre-kindergarten years. Homemaker is a mainly American gender-neutral synonym for a housewife or a House Husband. She's often a stock character in Dom Coms who can generally be identified by being in the kitchen and lovingly counseling her children because she is The Heart of the family. There will probably be reference to her doing laundry, grocery shopping, cooking, household cleaning, chauffeuring, managing the family finances and/or sewing. Her children and husband do like what she does. She is part of why a sitcom community is safe — any child who comes to her door stands a good chance of getting support, help, a sympathetic ear, or maybe just a cookie.

Seemingly Wholesome 50s Girl:
--She seems to be the perfect, wholesome teenage girl of The Fifties. By day, she's a sweet, innocent ultra-virgin who dresses in knee-length skirts and tasteful sweaters, and repeatedly says things like "that's swell!" and "peachy keen!". She might wear glasses, attend Catholic school, or even be a Preacher's Kid. Her parents and teachers talk about what a "good girl" she is, but all the kids at school (except for the "squares", of course) know about her "reputation". By night, she drinks, smokes and hangs out with (gasp!) boys. She "parks" with them, while the car radio plays Nothing But Hits, and may even have experienced sexual intercourse. In other words, she's either something of a Hot Hypocrite or at the very least something rather different from what she appears to be. After all, she doesn't want to be a "square" and the male hero needs a girlfriend that appears respectable, but isn't a prude.

Girl Next Door:
--The girl next door is used to indicate what is seen as average and wholesome femininity. Typically pretty in an accessible way. However since it's essentially about her personality there are several that are considered knock-outs. She's easy to talk to like a tomboy but she doesn't force her presence on anybody, or she keeps to herself like a Naïve Everygirl while not rejecting social interaction. Of course on the other hand the girl next door is every bad boy's fantasy because he is drawn to her "good girl" image since she has the goodness of the light feminine in Light Feminine and Dark Feminine. Not only is she good but she doesn't act like she's all that.

Often when the Girl Next Door is involved you have one of three types of plots: she is the Unlucky Childhood Friend to the male lead (usually a jock); she has a male Unlucky Childhood Friend that is chasing after her; or she is the Betty in a Betty and Veronica Love Triangle. Occasionally, all three combine in a huge mess.


All American Boy:
--This species has seldom been seen and naturalists have considered putting it on the endangered species list. He is marked by his love of baseball, by having a skill with rural machinery and hunting firearms beyond his years, and his propensity to emit sounds like "gee whiz". The All-American boy usually dwells in a Quirky Town within which he is as free as the air, pedaling everywhere on his bicycle. He is naive but charming and always polite, and he treats his elders (who most likely include a Standard '50s Father and a House Wife) with respect. If he has a sibling, it will be an older brother to idolize or a little sister to protect — perhaps both. There are variants of this trope. The geeky variant is similarly characterized by ingenuity, self-reliance, and wholesomeness, but he applies his interest to at-home science experiments and the like. The high-school variety wears a letterman's sweater, plays football or baseball, and spends his off hours using his mechanical skills to restore an old car.

Beatnik:
--Cool it, cool it, let me explain. You'll often see us wearing shady sunglasses, black sweaters and pants, a beret, sandals, and we'll sometimes carry bongos. We were probably the Badass of our time because we are so hip, but this isn't the 1950s anymore, dig? So if you'll excuse me, I have to cut out now.
--In the United States, Beatniks were the counter-culture movement par excellence of the 1950s. Beginning in a cluster of coffee shops and bookstores in San Francisco's North Beach district, the Beat movement eschewed cookie-cutter Fifties conformity and enforced happiness in favor of the lived, authentic experience.

Greaser Delinquent:
--You've seen them in nearly every work set in The Fifties, and to a lesser extent, The Sixties and very early Seventies. The kids with slicked-back hair, leather jackets, and blue jeans, who listen to Rock & Roll and Rockabilly, drive fast cars or motorcycles, and smoke cigarettes. Greasers, also known as Rockers, Ton-Up Boys, and Hoods.
--Greasers were a common working-class subculture of the 1950s and 1960s, known for their rebellious attitude and love of Rockabilly music. Most greasers were of a working-class or lower-class background and most greasers were of either Caucasian or Latino stock, and nearly all of the Caucasian greasers were either Italian-American or Irish-American (Notice that a lot of greasers in fiction tend to have either Italian or Irish surnames, such as Arthur Fonzarelli or Dally Winston. This is why.)
--The trend was big in the 1950s and dominated the Northeast, Midwest, and even parts of the upper South like Virginia and Maryland. Many greasers formed street gangs, although the culture existed outside of gang life as well. Dominant in the 1950s and the first half of the 1960s, greasers began to lose ground in the latter half of the 1960s and were pretty much gone by the mid-1970s.
--Greaser subculture archetypes helped codify tropes such as All Girls Want Bad Boys, Hell-Bent for Leather, Smoking Is Cool, and Badass Biker. Greaser boys may frequently be found in the company of the 50’s-era Good Bad Girl, with or without pink leather jacket and a girl-gang of her own.

Helpful Educational Movies (With MST3K Snark)

Appreciating Our Parents
A Date With Your Family
--If a violent fight doesn't erupt over whose day has been more pleasant, I'm going to be disappointed.
The Home Economics Story
Is This Love?

Actual 50s Television and Advice

How to Be a Good Wife (Snopes isn't sure it's real but it's certainly entertaining...)
Father Knows Best Thanksgiving episode
Leave it to Beaver's father explains why men cook outside. Try not to have your head explode.

There you have it! Comment away!