Meme: Headcanon!

[sith_happened]

Even the most obsessive of canons (yes, Star Wars, I'm looking at you) leaves some gaps in information as you play a character. But canon also provides some truly random factoids. So today's meme:

Provide us five bits of things you totally made up headcanon for your character, as well as five things that are, sadly, canon but could sound like you made them up.

Comments

[nojesusfreak.livejournal.com]

Headcanon:
1. I don't know when or why he started collecting hats.
2. His collection of tacky Jesus crap.
3. His obsession with Facebook applications (I blame Barney).
4. Thinking Sandra Lee is scary.
5. Liking beer. In canon, he drinks wine, but beer totally goes better with pizza.

Canon, but Random
1. Biff's bacon obsession.
2. Yeah, he really does know the Kama Sutra.
3. And he learned yoga and kung fu.
4. The sex thing with the old lady with no teeth? Yeah, that happened. Oh Biff, get some standards.
5. His love of pizza.

[flipped-god-off.livejournal.com]

I hope Biff washed after that encounter with the old lady!

[rocksthescarf.livejournal.com]

Headcanon:

1. Chuck has no idea how to drive and is terrified to learn.
2. He loves hanging out with kids.
3. Chuck has never been to a Subway (the food place. This came up in a conversation with Hannibal and it stuck with me).
4. Knows how to tie cherry stems into knots with his tongue.
5. He does like snuggling and it's totally in a non-sexual way. It's comforting. Shhhhh.

Canon, but weird:

1. Chuck has a pet monkey named Sweetie. Yes, he does. Georgina Sparks gave him one in the books. Book!Chuck also has a sweet pinky ring (http://i26.tinypic.com/muj1qc.jpg) in the books that has *just* started being integrated into his wardrobe in S3. I need to get him one IG.
2. There is a website dedicated to hating Chuck Bass. Chuck tells Vanessa this in S2. Ya'll are free to find it ICly.
3. Revenge for Chuck Bass includes: sending people anthrax through the mail, putting them on the convicted child molester list, leaking a sex tape, crashing his uncle in a plane (well. he toyed with the idea), setting people up with underage hookers, and knocking you off the top of the social hierarchy and putting your BFF in your old spot.
4. Has the habit of fleeing the country when things get too tough for him. Usually around Christmas (in S1 it was Monaco, in S2 it was Thailand).
5. Totally a romantic. Spent $30,000 on Blair's 17th birthday present, voted 150 times in order to get her to become prom queen, went all over Europe buying her favorite things so she'd forgive him for being an ass.
6. (I'll do as many of these as I want) Has been arrested for streaking on the highway in the books.
7. Really did sleep with an entire male Dutch snowboarding team in the books.
8. Chuck has a PI on speed dial named Mike.
9. There are a few trannies that owe him a favor.

(What I'm trying to prove here is that canon is way more insane than I am)

[wantstocheer.livejournal.com]

2. There is a website dedicated to hating Chuck Bass. Chuck tells Vanessa this in S2. Ya'll are free to find it ICly.

Why do I feel like Raven needs to find this?

[flipped-god-off.livejournal.com]

Headcanon

1. Becoming a connoisseur of videogames was completely random. It started out as something to do in posts and kind of grew into one of his hobbies.
   
2. The obsession with junk food especially Pop Tarts.
   
3. His inability to fix anything technological. I just think it's funny that he can't!
   
4. His dislike of televangelists. This would probably be canon if Dogma was longer.
   
5. His sort of relationship with Metatron. Just the thought of Alan Rickman and Matt Damon makes me happy.

Randomly Canon:

1. The hatred of Moobyland? Totally canon. FALSE IDOLS!
   
2. He's totally the reason angels can't drink alcohol.
   
3. As much as he bitches about him, he so loved Bartleby. You just cannot deny it. It's an impossible thing.
   
4. Very easily manipulated and influenced. Probably why Daisy got him to get that tattoo so easily.
   
5. Loves, loves, loves fucking with the clergy.

[justice-beat.livejournal.com]

Um, hello, he got that tattoo because it's awesome. Don't lie.

[spring-lost.livejournal.com]

Headcanon

1. Has a secret Thing for the Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency, which might have been why he didn't protest the naming of Jan.
2. Has armored every single one of his windows at Wellspring, dude. You do not want to know about that security system.
3. Watches at least six seperate news channels every morning, up to and including El-Jazeera.
4. Defaults to Irene over the phone for parenting advice (which she does not appreciate. No).
5. Has slowly but surely warmed up to Other Children: The Meeting Thereof, even if he's the world's most hovering parent. This is Deadpool's fault.

Canon, But Weird

1. Is a big fanboy of 'The View'. No, I did not make that up. He still mourns the departure of Rosie.
2. Is also a giant fanboy of Kurt Russell. And action movies.
3. Loves having movie nights with people he cares about. This is entirely Irene's Fault.
4. Sprawls when he sleeps. All over the damn bed. Except for when he starts meditating upside down in the air in his sleep.
5. Has a habit of getting tied up and hit on by completely psychotic women. Also has a habit of getting hit on by completely normal women. Has the world's most go-for-the-throat approach to dissuading them from their target ('I don't have time. I'm here to save the world.')
5a. Has admitted to needing and being BFFs with Deadpool. Take that, current Cable. Learn your continuity, bitches.

I'm sure I'll think of better ones as soon as I click post, but eh.

[inthereflexes.livejournal.com]

Kurt Russell? Really?

[maythrowuponyou.livejournal.com]

Headcanon:

1. Considers himself the oldest person on the Enterprise, even if Scotty is technically a few years older than he is. Bones acts the oldest, dammit.
2. He likes dealing with kids, mostly because they don't hold back from expressing their emotions.
3. Contrary to popular belief, he has had sex since his divorce. He just doesn't feel the need to broadcast it whenever he gets laid.
4. Even though they are totally impractical, Bones loves the uniforms that the women of Starfleet wear. Nurse Chapel has great legs. He'd never express this fact out loud, however. It would be ungentlemanly.
5. He's done a pretty good job tamping down his Southern accent over the years but when he gets really, really angry he starts to sound like Foghorn Leghorn during a rant.

Randomly Canon:

1. Born in Georgia and went to college at the University of Mississippi.
2. *takes in breath* Bones is a surgeon, physician, psychologist, exobiologist and is an expert in space psychology (though he could probably use a few sessions in the latter himself).
3. Suffers from aviaphobia and yet works in space.
4. He effing loves Mint Juleps (omg that episode where he gets super Southern and calls Jim "Jimmy boy" makes me laugh real hard).
5. His middle name is Horatio. Which is still better than Tiberius.

[armybrat-lois.livejournal.com]

Headcanon:

1. Her football team is the Washington Redskins, her baseball team is the New York Yankees and her hockey team is the Washington Capitals. Yes. The same as me.
2. Talks to herself when she's nervous.
3. She prefers cinnamon flavored things rather than mint.
4. Hates her feet (she thinks they're too big).
5. Lois has wanted a tattoo for years but can't settle on what she wants.

Canon, but weird:

1. Lois has a third degree black belt in karate. And yet she gets her ass kicked all the time.
2. Loves 80's rock bands, particularly Whitesnake, AC/DC and Def Leppard.
3. Goes to parties in her pj's so she can pass out in bed right away after she's done drinking.
4. Left handed.
5. Highly allergic to dogs and cats.
6. Has had ex-boyfriends put on government surveillance.

[stupid-toasters.livejournal.com]

Headcanon:

1. His love of rabbits! That's directly attributed to his girlfriend for leaving Pride with him but he so loves that rabbit.
   
2. His inability to cook! He's a boy from a military family, he so would have never learned.
   
3. His love of literature. His father's the big reader in canon but Lee's not an idiot either. Good genes.
   
4. His job at the library! That branches right out from the books thing. Also, he found it's a good place to do the dirty in. Ahem.
   
5. He loves grilled cheese sandwiches.

Randomly Canon:

1. His arms really are that awesome.
   
2. He really is that emo, unfortunately.
   
3. His first name is goddamn Leland. What the hell, RDM?
   
4. He tends to have shitty luck with women so the fact that he's had such good luck here is a blessing.
   
5. He ate too many noodles one season and got a little doughy.

[17andinfected.livejournal.com]

Stuff I've made up for Shilo:
1.) Her middle name is Marni.
2.) Her mother's "blood disease" was a story invented by Nathan to keep her dependent on him.
3.) Shilo is also just as into astronomy as she is collecting bugs.
4.) She is thinking about pursuing a career in writing or music. Both at Dinah's encouragement.
5.) She named her stuffed animals. (According to the official Myspace pages, she never bothered.)

Stuff that is canon (or "Expanded Universe"):
1.) Shilo actually wants to be an entomologist.
2.) She had real hair until she was 3, but then it fell out.
3.) She claims that she doesn't have a crush on Graverobber.
4.) Luigi wants to sex her.
5.) Pavi wants to sex her.

[momslilassassin]

Headcanon
1. Ben's insomnia.
2. His ice cream addiction.
3. The compulsive droid-making.
4. Getting almost-eaten by a lot of random creatures. It's canon for the rest of the Skywalkers. I'm just extending it a bit.
5. Loving chocolate. In SW canon (yes, they have a thing on this), most of the planets that made chocolate were kind of destroyed during the war of Jaina and Tahiri's time, so the stuff is very rare.

ETA:6: Reminded by Jaina: the scars on his back are extrapolation for what would happen to someone who broke out of a torture chamber and didn't get to a bacta tank for a couple of weeks.

Canon, but Weird:
1. His random British Coruscanti accent.
2. The Padawan braid. Sigh.
3. He's only been kidnapped once! For a Skywalker this is a Major Accomplishment.
4. The little red landspeeder his father got him. Ah, guilt issues.
5. Ben's only pet growing up was a bug that tried to brainwash him.

[baskiceball.livejournal.com]

Headcanon:

1. Doesn't really mind being in drag all that much. He thinks he looks good.
2. Has "Mr. Lily Aldrin" written on the band of his underwear.
3. Sometimes misses sandwiches...a lot.
4. Knows for a fact that playing Halo with pants off does nothing to enhance your game...but he does it anyway.
5. Tries to avoid eating on the beach because he's afraid of pigeon attack.

Canon, but random:

1. A donkey ate his pants the last time he was in Trenton.
2. Had several nickels pumped out of his stomach after Bill's bachelor party in Memphis.
3. Slam dunk champ of Nicholett County. His trademark dunk was called the "White Windmill".
4. Will capture the Loch Ness Monster one day.
5. Gets an erection whenever he flosses.

[wantstocheer.livejournal.com]

*dies laughing at your icon*

[bitten_notshy]

Headcanon:
1. His birth name is Jansci Duchovny ("Jack Priest" being basically a straight translation.) Haven't worked that into the game yet, but give me time.
2. Any time I give a list of languages he speaks that has an end to it, that's me. Elizabeth Bear was a wee bit, shall we say, optimistic about the human capacity to learn languages. The list I'll usually give now, based on canon, is Czech, Hungarian, English, Spanish, German, Greek, Latin and French. He can also fake his way through a couple similar tongues like Portuguese, and he has some very rusty Yiddish that he wouldn't consider a language.
3. His fondness for heroic fiction, when he reads fiction at all -- which isn't often.
4. That he spent a large chunk of his preteen years in England. It explains the accent better than anything else I can think of.
5. He's still pretty much over the moon that he can be openly bisexual and Jewish in this time. Seriously, he'd trade in all the technology for that.

Weird canon:
1. Bram Stoker's book "Dracula" exists in his world. Jack has read it.
2. There are no telephones in his time. Yes, there should be and no, I don't know why.
3. Sherlock Holmes in his world was, in part, based on Sebastien de Ulloa.
4. That Sebastien made him wait until he was 16 and of age before biting him, and that Jack was very much the aggressive partner in that situation. My canon is twisted.
5. They came from Europe to the colonies on a zeppelin and there was a murder during their voyage. Behold, the story about it.

[joan-notjane.livejournal.com]

Headcanon

1. She doesn't like coffee that much.
2. Her birthday is June 14. This was extrapolated from canon bits (she never celebrated one in canon) and is one of my cousin's birthdays.
3. The fact that she can cook/bake.
4. Is terrified of the notion of having sex because she knows God might be watching.
5. She doesn't drink because of Kevin's accident.

Random, but Canon

1. Had nightmares about koala bears in hats when she was younger.
2. Ended up on crutches after doing laundry for the first time.
3. She prevented a school shooting by taking a bully to a dance.
4. Put off her driver's license test like five times before God finally made her take it.
5. She likes slurpees.

[bitten_notshy]

Ended up on crutches after doing laundry for the first time.

I have to ask how that worked. Did she try to climb into the washer?

[life_inshadow]

Headcanon:
1. Her mom is named Marie and has ovarian cancer. (Canon just says she dies when Tara is 17.)
2. She's from Weaverville in Northern California, which I got to by clicking around on Wiki until I found the most bumfuck place in the state.
3. Although she self-identifies as Wiccan, she was taken to Sunday School as a child at her father's insistence.
4. Her first spell was floating a pencil, the same as Willow's. The difference is she did it when she was, like, ten.
5. She reads bad fantasy books, like, Laurell K. Hamilton kinda stuff.

Random canon:
1. She's allergic to shrimp.
2. She finds the Internet depressing because everyone spells badly on it.
3. Her family told her she was part demon on her mother's side, and it would begin to express when she turned 20. Her extended family uses this as an excuse to treat her like crap.
4. She came out before Willow, which implies Willow is not her first girlfriend.
5. She likes dressing like she just escaped from a Renaissance Festival.

[just-add-starch.livejournal.com]

Headcanon:

1. He doesn't mind using girly shampoo. If it washes his hair and cleans it, he's fine. And he thinks it smells good.
   
2. Prefers the brown uniform to the red one.
   
3. Thinks long underwear are vital to survival in the winter
   
4. Prefers winter to any other season
   
5. Pale like a pale thing's that's pale.

Randomly Canon:

1. Wears his hat EVERYWHERE. Even when he's off duty.
   
2. He's an oblivious Casanova. Women fall over themselves just to get to him and he has no idea.
   
3. Tells Inuit stories. Tells LOTS of Inuit stories.
   
4. Has UST with like...every guy on the show but especially the Ray's.
   
5. Sees the ghost of his dead father and communicates with him regularly.

[endsthegame]

Headcanon

1. Ender likes swimming in the pool a whole lot. This is technically just an extrapolation of the whole 'builds a raft and hangs out on a lake' thing from in the middle of the book.
2. He doesn't really enjoy the taste of food that much, having been entirely too used to Battle School grub all his life. He'll eat anything nutritional.
3. Has a quiet appreciation for documentaries of the 21st century, and likes to spend time watching them, weeding out the propaganda - which isn't nearly as bad as in his own time - and learning.
4. Actually enjoys learning how to dance and fly, but on a very scientific level; flying, after all, isn't *quite* like zero-G. Neither is swimming, but it is in many ways more similar. He kind of longs back to that, even if he won't admit it.
5. Has totally made his own little nest on the roof to sit where his blankets fit most snuggly.

Random Canon

1. Participated in a Shakespearian play on board a colony ship. Or rather, will. He's grown to get a kind of Shakespearian Thing.
2. Has an interest in, and to a point a talent for, mechanical things. His knowledge of software is beyond compare, mechanics is something he works on getting a handle on, because it'll be useful out in the stars.
3. His response to having romantic feelings for anyone is to repress, on a very intellectual level where he recognises the feelings exist and the fact that they are inherently futile. This happened with the first girl he was ever into. (Because he's straight. Orson Scott Card says so. Really. Straight)
4. Wants to run away and run away and run away and run away, because in a stable environment he might be happy and he wouldn't know what to do with himself. He winds up killing himself out of apathy after he finally finds someone to love and stay with. Healthy.
5. Once hacked into a computer system to stand up for a friend of his. By sending the entire group he was in messages signed '--God' about a bully's love for boys' asses.
6. (Cheating) Was kissed on the cheek by a boy when he was six years old, and ranks this among the top two important emotional moments in his life.

[tatooine-doofus.livejournal.com]

Headcanon:
1. Complete gremlin bait.
2. Really believes that some day Fandom is going to forget about the Grace-kissing.
3. Has a mancrush on Gavin that he will never follow through on.
4. Doesn't really mind sand.
5. Would be a mythbuster if the whole 'restarting the Jedi Order' thing wasn't such a big deal.

Strange canon:
1. The sister crush. Oh, George Lucas.
2. He loves hot chocolate.
3. Can short circuit the electronic lock on a door using the parts in his fake hand.
4. Will be protected from Dark Side-infected beasties while in a coma by a two-year-old wielding a lightsaber.
5. Will use Force-lightning. But for team Light Side. Really.

[weetuskenraider]

"Electric judgment," W. T. F.

[tyler_gone]

Headcanon:
1. For a long time, he didn't drink much unless he was specifically trying to get drunk. Tony's changed that.
2. He wonders if it's possible to be pacifist AND anarchist, because he believes in both things. He's seen too much in Fandom to be down with destruction for its own sake these days.
3. His mom died of cancer when he was 13. Basically, I had to figure out where she was while he was doing Fight Club stuff and coming to Fandom, and having her dead made the most sense. (I don't think there's a single present-tense reference to her in canon.)
4. He married Marla at age 24, and in all they were on and off for something like 15 years. And no, they never managed to act like they actually liked each other.
5. He will never want children, both because of his DID and because he's terrified he'll run out like his dad did.

Random canon:
1. At one point he had a job running cost analyses on car recalls.
2. The name Jack Moore is (allegedly) visible on some props in the movie.
3. He calls followers of Fight Club "Space Monkeys."
4. He once tried to blow up half of downtown Wilmington to destroy the credit card industry. Whether the bombs worked or not depends on if you follow the book or the movie. (I follow the book, so they didn't.)
5. A doctor told him to start going to support groups as a "some people have REAL problems" move, instead of offering drugs for Tyler's chronic insomnia.

[wantstocheer.livejournal.com]

Headcanon

1. She loves cooking.
2. Reading comic books - especially Ninth Wonders
3. Like Joan, she doesn't generally drink coffee. I think this is because I hated coffee as a teenager but learned to love it later in life.
4. Going running almost daily.
5. The thrill seeking thing (like rappelling off the roof)

Random, but Canon

1. Draws mermaids in the margins of her notebooks (which I still need to work in game)
2. That crush on Peter? Totes canon.
3. The teddy bear collection.
4. Cannot get drunk thanks to her healing ability.
5. She gets a job in a comics shop.

[likethegun]

Headcanon:
1. The fact that he can't cook. The boy has to suck at something!
2. That whole bisexual thing.
3. His knowledge of multiple dead languages, as opposed to just Latin.
4. His addiction to playing The Sims.
5. His musical tastes, although really, that's based a lot on canon.

Canon
1. The fear of clowns. Oh Sam.
2. The bitchface. It's totally his first line of defense.
3. Wanting to grow up to be a lawyer.
4. Yes, he and Dean really are that close. *pets them*
5. Being good at every. single. subject. Geeeeek.
6. Sex turning him into a raging alpha male. Well, adult!Sam, at least.

[rocksthescarf.livejournal.com]

6. Sex turning him into a raging alpha male. Well, adult!Sam, at least.

I'm sorry, Chuck requires proof of this. For research purposes.

[sith_happened]

Headcanon:
1. Luke is named for Rory's stepfather. Leia is a truncation of Lorelai. He never told Padmé his reasoning for either name.
2. He always sleeps so that his body is closest to the door, and the lightsaber has a nook above the bed at home.
3. He's fluent in galactic curse words entirely because Obi-Wan found them distasteful.
4. Plays the banthabell, the traditional instrument of Tatooine that I totally made up. It's like a cowbell but bigger and more badass.
5. Has an alphabetized list of everyone who ever wronged him. Updates it frequently.

Strange canon:
1. Built Threepio was he was nine. Yeah.
2. Doesn't have a father. Shmi/the Force=OTP.
3. Is given the world's most annoying a Padawan to train during the Clone Wars. And no one seems to think this was a Very Terrible Idea.
4. The Energizer bunny ads? Canon for Vader.
5. Taught a Sith apprentice how to yank a Star Destroyer out of the sky with the power of his brain. Hell yeah.

Emma Frost

[icecoldfrost]

Headcanon:
1. Her brother Christian is already dead. They never give a date for it in the comics that I've found, so I decided to make it now.
2. Loves riding the subway and people-watching to practice her telepathy.
3. After ending up on the streets, Emma got really really good at stealing from street vendor carts for food until she honed her telepathy enough to convince people to buy her things. At this point, Emma considers herself a connoisseur of the various hot dog places around New York, and sometimes will steal one anyway. Just to stay in practice.
4. Her favorite food is Mexican, and Emma has an unholy love for tacos smothered in salsa and guacamole.
5. The total and complete coffee addiction.


Random Canon:
1. Her forgery talents. Oh, Ems.
2. She's an engineering genius, apparently, designing psi inhibitors and other technology for the Hellfire Club.
3. She's a very bad cook. She once substituted Heinz’s Ketchup in a recipe for "one ripe tomato." Because they're totally the same thing.
4. Emma's natural accent is an upper-class Bostonian which can come out when she's angry. She typically suppresses that in favor of a mildly British accent.
5. The mutant ability to have UST with the most inappropriate people in the world. Jean, Bobby, Sean, Scott, Firestar, Kitty, Rachel, Namor...

[death-and-pies.livejournal.com]

Headcanon

1. His nervousness around other animals that aren't Digby. He's just really scared of killing them.
   
2. He will use a rolling pin as a weapon. It's the thing he usually has handy!
   
3. He has to special order shoes. Dude is tall, yo.
   
4. Keeps his hair short because he thought he looked like a shaggy haired twit when he was younger
   
5. Has a vast collection of aprons

Randomly Canon:

1. He stress bakes. If he's having a hard time, he bakes. A lot.
   
2. He's pretty much a food bitch. If it's not baked right, he gets tetchy.
   
3. Had "intimate relations" on a bear skin rug get interrupted when the bear...came back to life. Whoops!
   
4. Has two half brothers, Maurice and Ralston, born when his father ditched him at Longburrow and started a new family.
   
5. Ned's full name remains a mystery throughout the series but the series finale seems to have revealed it. But that would be spoiling!

[marsheadtilt.livejournal.com]

Headcanon

1. She's not generally a big drinker thanks to what happened at Shelley Pomeroy's party. Therefore, when she does drink, her judgment tends to go out the window. (See: sleeping with Dick; marrying Dick)
2. Is afraid to become a mom because her own was so lousy at it.
3. Will always love Logan
4. Haaaaates the show Vanessa Saturn because it's so unrealistic (mostly because I think I'm funny)
5. Her coffee addiction

Random, but Canon

1. Can hold a grudge like no one's business (See: Lindsey McDonald & Tyler Durden)
2. Dated a guy even after he had sex with her while they were both drugged despite thinking she was his sister (WTF CANON WTF -- this did NOT happen for FH Veronica, btw)
3. The baking thing
4. Is an excellent photographer
5. Wanting to join the alphabet soup world

[glacial_queen]

Headcanon:
1. Any explanation for how her powers work. Seriously, I am making all of that stuff up. Anne Bishop hates explaining things.
2. Her ability to fly (that Jaenelle can is totes canon though. But what can't she do?)
3. Her belief that her parents are demon-dead and she'll see them again one day.
4. Any and all relationships Karla has with people from Glacia other than Morton and Hobart. Karla is not cool enough to get any actual fleshed-out or detailed backstory in canon.
5. Karla almost always has Kaeleeran wine available to call in. She's not an alcoholic, it's just tasty. And everyone here seems to appreciate it.

My Canon Is Messed Up (For Realz)
1. MAGICAL COCKRINGS OF SERVITUDE
2. DID YOU SEE NUMBER ONE?! Virgin Nights
3. At one point in canon, Karla and Jaenelle do blow up a kitchen because they couldn't tell the difference between a casserole they were trying to cook and a spell they were brewing.
4. Murder is okay, but rape will get you executed.
5. Warlord Princes sometimes go into rut. Yeah...you can guess what that means.

[future_sandworm]

I think Karla should mention the magical cockrings of servitude more often. It would make even Leto uneasy.

[puppy_fair]

Headcanon
1. I admit that him not being terribly bothered by extreme temperatures is more or less headcanon. There is a part of his canon where you have to keep moving to avoid freezing to death, but this is Zack. He doesn't stop twitching anyway, and there's never any mention of being cold for the rest of that chunk of the game. So sure, he can freeze, but eh, it's cold? Didn't notice.
2. His raging awkwardness about all things sex-related.
3. The sugar addictions. Mountain Dew, cookies, Pixy Stix...
4. Most of his relationship with his parents when he was wee.
5. Passing around cookies to break the ice when things are rough or awkward.

Canon
1. He seriously has UST with everyone he meets. I am not making this up, dammit. Cloud, Angeal, Tseng, Cissnei, Sephiroth, Lazard, Aerith, Genesis, Kunsel, Tifa, various nameless NPCs, other NPCs who have names who are trying to kill him...
2. Yes, yes he really does have a slot machine implanted into his brain.
3. Zack ran away from home to join the military at a wee young age because he was bored. He hasn't gotten in touch with his parents since, and he never, ever will, even though he loves them and worries about them very much.
4. His favourite activity ever is actually doing squats. Stand! Crouch! Repeat! He'd sooner spend his time on a tropical beach doing these than actually getting into the water.
5. His hometown really is infested with little bipedal frogs who will turn you into a little bipedal frog if they punch you, yes. Ah, Final Fantasy.