BDE Information: So You Want to Fight An Auditor!

[momslilassassin]

Good luck with that! In the Discworld, they are considered the most dangerous of all the Things from the Dungeon Dimensions, despite their unassuming appearances. In the early part of the week, due to being a “non-thing”, traditional weapons (guns, knives, axes, dropping things on them, setting them on fire shooting them with a blaster, shooting them out of a cannon, shooting them with a cannon, why do you even *have* a cannon...) and magic/superpowers won’t work on them, either.  Auditors are the personification of the law--they reinforce traditional physics by their very presence and will force magic (and other superpowers)  to Behave Normally, at least while you’re near an Auditor. While your powers remain intact, they simply do not work on the Auditor (so to take my own kid an example, Ben will still be a Jedi, but won’t be able to mind-whammy an Auditor into going away.)

Touching an Auditor (or having them touch you) at this stage will result in being zapped immediately out of existence (do not pass go, do not collect $200.)

...SO WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE?

Well, no, but you have to think a little outside of the box to beat these guys. Girls. Both ideas involve glands and they didn’t have those a week ago. As the week progresses, they will become more human and thus more killable, but Wednesday and Thursday will be tough days to get one-up on an Auditor.

HOW CAN I TELL ONE’S COMING?

There are a couple of ways.

• Malignancy: When an Auditor is near,  “the local hostility of things against non-things” increases--which means that things near an Auditor will start twisting up around themselves.


• They aren’t very good at being human. They have a tendency to float instead of walk when they aren’t paying too much attention (they willed themselves into human-ish bodies). And sometimes forget to breathe.


• And the obvious one: they aren’t faces your character will recognize. And there will be rather a lot of them: by Friday, hundreds of Auditors will be on the island.

SO WEAPONS DON’T WORK. HOW DO I MAKE ONE GO AWAAAAAAAY?

You can use a Logic Bomb: signs that point right but say "Keep Left" and signs that read "Ignore This Sign — By Order", and "Do Not Feed the Elephant" when there is no elephant will break their little brains. Or a sign like this:



Shh, I like signs.

The Auditors’ll finally find a way around it by creating the new category of orders that are "bloody stupid" and thus don't have to be followed, but they won’t figure that out until midway through the battle on Friday.

You can also use a delicious distraction: The Auditors are not used to their new senses, so you can use that against them and kill the through taste bud stimulation (especially chocolate). They are prepared against the other senses (bright lights and loud noises won’t really bother them, though they might add Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black to their ever-growing lists of blights of human culture), but taste is more abstract. And since Myria LeJean was knocked out yesterday by biting toast...

When the Auditors "die" in their artificially-made human bodies, they will simply break down at the atomic level and seem to turn to dust.

YOU SAID SOMETHING ABOUT THIS GETTING EASIER ON FRIDAY?

Yes, after a few days on the island, the Auditors (much to their own disgust) will become more human. Weapons, both traditional and ranged, are added back to the list of Things That Can Harm Auditors on Friday. Touching an Auditor on Friday will not immediately zap you out of existence, either, and they will have to really concentrate to just diasppear you.  Magic will still not work on them (unless you’re using magic to throw things at them, like a traditional weapon. Or a bonbon.)

If you'd like to begin preplaying an NPC encounter with an Auditor (especially in the event that Russian politics hits LJ again over the weekend...), please hit up any of our lovely NPCers (there's still time to sign up there too!) and see if they're available. NPC Auditors will be getting a more complete email in the next little bit as well.

So, questions?

Comments

[its-theclimb.livejournal.com]

though they might add Justin Bieber and Rebecca Black to their ever-growing lists of blights of human culture

HEY NOW.

[iwishiwasbig.livejournal.com]

It's factually accurate!

[stykera]

So basically I should attempt to defeat them with cupcakes. Yep.

[momslilassassin]

Yep!

[batwaffles.livejournal.com]

STARK, THIS IS YOUR HOUR!

[stykera]

Just watch, JGOB is going to be the first building to go. D:

[thatsamilkshake]

Francine is SO up for helping Stark. SRSLY.

[stykera]

Gives a whole new meaning to cupcake wars, now doesn't it?

[wrongkindofsith]

*raises hand*

Are they prepared for the power of The Sexy?

*asks mostly because the idea of Fandom trying to weaponise shirtlessness has appeal*

[momslilassassin]

Alas for the pretty, pretty icons possibilities, the Auditors' response to shirtlessness is more "...okay, glands" than "zomg BOOBS! *dies*"

But feel free to try it! Mmmm. Shirtlessness.

[showmetheproof.livejournal.com]

*snerk* How about kissyfacing them by Friday? Not that we'd want to, but...

[momslilassassin]

By then it will be up to the individual Auditor. Some are more affected by their glands than others.

[nookiepowered]

I WAS GOING TO ASK THIS QUESTION TOO AS YOU MIGHT WELL IMAGINE.

[gastronomistic]

The Auditors are not used to their new senses, so you can use that against them and kill the through taste bud stimulation

VINCENT WILL BE INVINCIBLE! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"Well, you look like you need to try one of my mini pumpkin muffins. Or how about a tiny cheesecake? Maize kernels? Braised lamb. Baked Alaska!"

[glacial_queen]

So deliciousness hurts them. How about tasting foods that are the equivalent of THINGS MAN WAS NOT MEANT TO KNOW?

...I mean, I've got this girl here.

Cindy is gonna be SO PISSED she has to put down her guns and cook instead.

[not-the-irs.livejournal.com]

Nasty food'll work too!

[olympian-herc.livejournal.com]

So just to be clear on my part: The Helm of Hades (which makes the wearer invisible) won't actually make the wearer invisible to the auditors?

And a follow-up: On Friday, when the auditors become more susceptible to harm, magical weapons will affect them only as a normal weapon of their type? (i.e. the Sword of Peleus will just be a sword, not a sword so sharp it can cleave through bone as if it were butter?)

[momslilassassin]

You are correct on both points, sir!

[mparkerceo.livejournal.com]

Question! If we're going to vanish someone, do I understand they have to be vanished by the end of Saturday, since we'll have evacuated to SC by then?

[not-the-irs.livejournal.com]

Saturday morning--there will be a big evacuation to the SC post put up to play in and if you're not on the other side of those doors, you'll be zapped.

[regretiz4suckas.livejournal.com]

Wicked, and thank you!

[l1ttle-billy.livejournal.com]

Can the Auditors be taken by the Nothing? I had the idea when this all started to have Billy knock one close enough to the border for them to get taken. Would that work?

[sith_happened]

Only on Friday--today you still can't touch an Auditor without being immediately disappeared.

[l1ttle-billy.livejournal.com]

That is when I meant yes. Thanks!

[walks-two-paths.livejournal.com]

I asked this in the wrong place, I think.

Can the Auditors get people anywhere? Like say the garden -- not that I'm asking for any particular reason. *innocents*