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Meme: Quotes!

Because I love this one and we haven't done it since March...

Here's how this works: tag in (under the appropriate journal) with canon quotes from your characters. No (or little) context, just the quotes -- individually if you want, or several in one comment.

People can tag in to those threads and either guess the context/situation, or ask you what it's about, or just comment on the quotes. This way we can all have a little amusement, dork about our canon a little, and maybe get in a little canon pimping on the side.

As always, don't forget to keep checking in and see what new stuff's gone up!

Stolen from

notconflicted who may or may not have stolen it from

weetuskenraider, have at!

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Oz: "Even Peter Pan had to grow up. Into Robin Williams, no less."
Toby: "You watched Hook again last night."
Oz: "Yeah. Twice."

After participating in a beauty pageant: "No, I didn't win. But at least I didn't make any new friendships."

THAT IS MY FAVORITE APRIL QUOTE OF ALL, OKAY.

So Mass Effect is huge which means I am going to stay character-specific here, yes.

Kaidan: We're fighting a gigantic, super advanced race of machines and I don't know if I should be in awe or be scared because they're aliens?
Shepard: The turians are aliens and we put a boot up their ass.
Kaidan: This is different. We're going to need a bigger boot.

Ashley: Hm, nobody died.
Kaidan: I could shoot someone if it'd make you feel better.
Ashley: Nah, I'm good.

Lorik: Lady Benezia was also dressed for her role. An Asari in a pinstripe suit set tongues wagging among the younger male employees, so to speak.
Kaidan: It does sound like something you'd find on an extranet fetish site. ...What?

Ulrik: "Eddie, you always cheer me up. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because you can do melancholy better than any Dane."
Eddie: "Well, sure. I read the book. I don't know if it's been translated into Danish yet."
Anne Cathrine: "What book?"
Ulrik: "It's the one I told you about. I read it in English. The play that Englishman wrote about a Danish prince in Helsingør—he called it 'Elsinore'—who finds out his father was murdered and can't decide what to do."
Anne Cathrine: "Oh, that one. I don't want to read it, even when my English gets better. What a silly fantasy. Any Danish prince—princess, too, even a king's daughter—who found out that someone had committed such a crime would have his head by the morning."

Jono: Wish I could give advice that'd work for all of you. Trouble is, we're all different. S'why we're here, innit? What I can offer is a place to speak your mind without worryin' about bein' laughed at by the spandex prom kings and queens. Right. Who wants to start?

Rockslide: Why do I still get horny when I don't have junk?

Jono: Straight into the deep end it is. I figure a lot of you have sex questions. It's a delicate matter, and some might wish to discuss it in private, or with someone other'n me. But at heart, what you're askin' is if anyone's ever gonna love you. Wish I could guarantee a yes. I'm afraid I can't do that for anyone, mutant or human. But you all deserve it. And if you keep your heart open -- no matter how often that heart gets ripped into tiny bleedin' shreds -- you have a chance. You can't control anyone else. Only yourself. And I'm telling you from experience... In the end, whether your life's defined by hurt or hope is up to you.

"This is my boyfriend Derek. And this is Derek's boyfriend Ben. Derek is gay but he's straight for me and he's gay for Ben. And Ben's really gay for Derek. And I hate Ben. It's not that complicated."

While on a work camping trip: "Oh god, Andy, I don't even want to be here. The air is too fresh, it's disgusting, I can't breathe, there's a brook somewhere that won't stop babbling -- would you shut up!?"

"I'm an eyebrow girl. I want to make out with him and chew his eyebrows off."

Andy: April, you're like an angel with no wings.
April: So like a person?

"My mom is Puerto Rican. That's why I'm so lively and colorful."

Baldur: "That was a truly miserable experience."
Ulrik: "Exhausting, too."
Baldur: "At least now we know why the princess is sometimes given to moods."
Ulrik: "'Is sometimes given to moods.' Is that Norwegian berserk-speak for 'is sometimes a miniature harridan and others a very short lunatic'?"
Baldur: "Your words, not mine. And that's a terrible way to refer to your future bride. 'Harridan!' 'Lunatic!'"

Kaidan: And my students... Well, wherever they are, I know they're kicking ass on Earth or... somewhere. You know when this war is over, there's going to be one hell of a reunion party.
Shepard: Hell yeah!
Kaidan: Dancing in the streets. Hugging and crying. My mom's always wanted to travel off-planet...I think I'll take her.

Have a two-fer:

Kaidan: I find using my biotics to toss someone across the room is a decent attention-grabber.
Liara: Yes, but it's also a good way of drawing enemy fire.

Kaidan: What the hell, Shepard? What just happened? Actually, don't tell me. I've got work to do, and I... I can't be distracted.
Shepard: I was plugged into the virtual world of the geth consensus. Saw their history, purged a Reaper infection...
Kaidan: Crap. Now I'll be obsessing about how that works instead of doing my Spectre division expense report.
Shepard: You're welcome.

Kaidan: So, rachni again, hey? Releasing the queen came back to bite us in the ass, I guess.
Shepard: Never know what would've happened if we'd killed her.
Kaidan: Sure. 'If a butterfly flaps its wings,' and all that.
Shepard: You a fan of chaos theory, Kaidan?
Kaidan: Only so I can fight it.

Edited 2012-08-11 17:36 (UTC)

"Beauty pageants are idiotic. But I found out that the winner of the Miss Pawnee Pageant gets six hundred dollars. I can be idiotic for six hundred dollars."

"I guess I kind of hate most things... but I never really seem to hate you. So... I wanna spend the rest of my life with you. Is that cool?"

"Can you Photoshop your life with better decisions, Jerry?"

April on her house rules for a new roommate: "You can't use the front door, you have to climb in through the back window. No personal phone conversations. If you ever speak to me in Spanish, please use the formal usted. And no electricity after 6 PM."
Andy: She's joking. You can use as much free electricity as you want. It's free, dude.
April: A couple more rules. If you ever watch a sad movie, you have to wear mascara so we can see whether or not you've been crying. There's no noise allowed on Monday, and no TV after breakfast."

Edited 2012-08-11 17:38 (UTC)

And the 'I have a feeling Kaidan was drunk a lot near the end of Mass Effect 3' edition:

"Can you feel it, Shepard? Feel the quickening? Illusive Man better say his prayers tonight. Because we're coming for him. Murderous asshole. Oh, yeah. Tide is turning. I feel it."

"About freakin' time! And if the Reapers messed with anything I left behind, I'm going to be so pissed. See you topside, Shepard."

Shepard: So tell me, how is this kind of distraction supposed to win us the war?
Kaidan: I'm not a distraction. I'm here to help you relax. Relaxing will help you focus.

Liara: Azure is slang for a part of the asari body in some areas of Illium.
Shepard: Where?
Liara: Mainly the lower reaches, near the bottom.
Shepard: I meant "where on the asari body?"
Liara: So did I.

"Look. This is a stupid idea, but right at this exact second, we have enough momentum to do something stupid before we realize how stupid it is."

[at the Grand Canyon]
Andy: It's so much more beautiful than I could ever have even imagined.
April: Yeah. I'm trying to find a way to be annoyed by it, but I'm coming up empty.
Andy: Thank you so much. I never would have ever done this without you. Thank you. ...Where's all the faces? The presidents?

"Either you pay me or I flay you alive... with my mind."

"I don't know what is worse: the geth, or all this sand in my... nevermind!"

Liara: She's got reinforcements!
Shepard: What kind of guns does this thing have?
Liara: It's a taxi! It has a fare meter!
Shepard: Wonderful.

Liara: So tell me what you want. If this all ends tomorrow, what happens to us?
Shepard: I don't know. Marriage, old age, and a lot of little blue children?
Liara: You just... say these things.

Liara: Joker, really, I have work to do!
Joker: Come on, it's just a simple question.
Liara: Then look it up on the extranet.
Joker: You can't believe everything you find on there. It's more reliable to ask a friendly asari.
Liara: I'm not telling you if my 'hair tentacles' move!

Edited 2012-08-11 17:46 (UTC)

A long one, but it's one of my favourites, so. Whatever.

Caroline: "So where do we go?"
Ulrik: "I should think it was obvious. We go straight to the heart of power. We go to Magdeburg. Let the chancellor try to dictate who rules and who does not, when the rightful heir to the land, the empire and the union had placed herself in the bosom of her people. Let him try."
Kristina: "Oh, yes! People like me there!"
Ulrik: "Yes, they do. Soon, girl, they will like you even more."
Caroline: "Prince. She's still only a child..."
Kristina: "I'm almost nine! In a month. Month and a half. Well, almost two. Still, nine years old isn't a child anymore. Is it, Ulrik?"
Ulrik: "For most people, yes. Nine years old is still a child. But you're of the house of Vasa and I'm of the house of Oldenburg, We grow up much faster."
Kristina: "See?"
Caroline: "I didn't... I hadn't..."
Ulrik: "Yes?"
Caroline: "I guess I just didn't think you were this... bold."
Baldur: "Oh, most certainly! In the olden days he'd have gone a-viking. Every summer! And I'd have followed him, too. Every summer, I'd have followed him. Each and every one. There are not so many princes in the world—not real ones—that you can afford to let go of the one you find."

Edited 2012-08-11 17:49 (UTC)

Shepard: The bartender over there?
Liara: The matriarch hired by the asari government to track my movements?
Shepard: She's your father.

(Liara: I know.
Shepard: I never get to surprise you with anything!)

Liara: You're giving me asari commandos?
Matriarch Aethyta: Well, you're too old for a damn pony.
Liara: You're the best father a girl could have.

Another two-fer:

Liara: It would be wise to avoid touching any controls without reading the instructions.
Kaidan: It's always a good idea to RTFM, ma'am.
Liara: ...to what?

Kaidan: Hearing about the Protheans makes me wonder if some distant civilization is going to find our artifacts someday and study us.
Liara: I have often wondered the same thing, Lieutenant. Artifacts of vanished cultures are reminders of our own mortality.
Kaidan: I'm not afraid to die. I guess I just want to be remembered by more than a few trinkets in a ruin somewhere.

Liara: Lieutenant? In the last few fights, your biotics seemed to pack more punch. Is it practice, or are you actually getting stronger?
Kaidan: I've always held back a little when I used my powers on living targets. Fear of hurting someone, I guess. After what I saw on Eden Prime, I'm not holding back any more. Not against the geth, not against anyone.

Liara: Our travels now are somewhat different from my normal excavations. I would prefer lengthier studies... and fewer explosions.
Ashley: I think you've spoken for scientists everywhere, Liara.

Edited 2012-08-11 17:57 (UTC)

Old guy: Excuse me. I had a meeting with Ron Swanson yesterday, but I had a little car trouble.
April: Sorry, he's busy right now.
Old guy: Oh, well, can I reschedule?
April: Hmm. Sure, how about... June fiftieth?
Old guy: Sorry?
April: Do you think you could come back today at 2:65? He's available then.
Old guy: What is going on?
April: Looks like the only other day he has open is Marchtember oneteenth. Does that work, sir?

Alec: Just because you told me dragon demons were extinct--
Jace: I said mostly extinct.
Alec: Mostly extinct is NOT EXTINCT ENOUGH.
Jace: I see. I'll just have them change the entry in the demonology textbook from 'almost extinct' to 'not extinct enough for Alec. He prefers his monsters really, really extinct.' Will that make you happy?

Ulrik: "By now, many people—including many of those who followed him initially, and especially those who followed Wettin—are beginning to doubt him. That means they’ll be relieved to see someone re-establish legitimacy, since the usurper apparently can’t.”
Kristina: “Isn’t there anything Uncle Axel can do?”
Ulrik: “Oh, certainly. But it would have to be something very dramatic—even more so once you arrive in Magdeburg.”
Kristina: “Like what?”
Ulrik: “Dresden. He has to take Dresden, Kristina. Has to, now—and soon. Dresden has become the symbol of his weakness. Every day that Dresden defies him, he loses legitimacy.”
Kristina: “Maybe we should—”
Ulrik: “No! We are not going to Dresden.”
Kristina: “But it’d be fun!”

Apparently you're just getting ALL THE ULRIK QUOTES today. DEAL WITH IT.

Kaidan: You know, Shepard, this reminds me about Virmire, of Ash.
Shepard: Yeah, I was thinking about her too.
Kaidan: It's been a long time, but it still...
Shepard: You know, she'd give us a hard time about talking like this.
Kaidan: Yeah, she sure would.

Shepard: Could you learn to float down off a rail like that?
Kaidan: Well, not in the next ten minutes.

Shepard: Look at that. Bits of Prothean tech sticking out of the ground like an old bone.
Kaidan: You ever uncover a dinosaur, Liara?
Liara: No, dinosaurs and other fossils would be paleontology. I'm an archeologist. I study artifacts left by sapient species. The two fields are completely different, and... you were joking.
Kaidan: Nah.

Also HOGOD KAIDAN YOU ARE SUCH A NERD.

Kaidan: Good to see you again, Tali.
Tali: You too, Kaidan. How's the omni-tool? Still using the Logic Arrest?
Kaidan: It's still the best model.
Tali: Not for running multiple attack processes simultaneously. You need a Nexus.
Kaidan: Nexus shield enhancements are years behind the curve!
Tali: That's why you overclock the microframe.

Septimus Ah. Yes, I am ashamed. Carnal embrace is sexual congress, which is the insertion of the male genital organ into the female genital organ for purposes of procreation and pleasure. Fermat’s last theorem, by contrast, asserts that when x, y, and z are whole numbers each raised to the power of n, the sum of the first two can never equal the third when n is greater than 2.
Pause.
Thomasina Eurghhh!
Septimus Nevertheless, that is the theorem.
Thomasina It is disgusting and incomprehensible. Now when I am grown to practise it myself I shall never do so without thinking of you.
Septimus Thank you very much, my lady.

Thomasina When you stir your rice pudding, Septimus, the spoonful of jam spreads itself round making red trails like the picture of a meteor in my astronomical atlas. But if you stir backward, the jam will not come together again. Indeed, the pudding does not notice and continues to turn pink just as before. Do you think this is odd?
Septimus No.
Thomasina Well, I do. You cannot stir things apart.

"Here. Here's some ketchup. Start at your feet, work your way up."

Jack Carter: It's not like we have a form to "undead" you.
Jo Lupo: *Ahem*
Jack Carter: Tell me you're kidding.

"I swear to God, if this thing turns into a zombie attack, I am quitting."

Nathan Stark: Good job, Carter. Wow, that didn't even leave a bad taste in my mouth.
Jack Carter: Oh, give it a second.
Nathan Stark: Yep, there it is.

Thomasina Septimus, do you think God is a Newtonian?
Septimus An Etonian? Almost certainly, I’m afraid. We must ask your brother to make it his first enquiry.
Thomasina No, Septimus, a Newtonian. Septimus! Am I the first person to have thought of this?
Septimus No.
Thomasina I have not said yet.
Septimus “If everything from the furthest planet to the smallest atom of our brain acts according to Newton’s law of motion, what becomes of free will?”
Thomasina No.
Septimus God’s will.
Thomasina No.
Septimus Sin.
Thomasina (derisively) No!
Septimus Very well.
Thomasina If you could stop every atom in its position and direction, and if your mind could comprehend all the actions thus suspended, then if you were really, really good at algebra you could write the formula for all the future; and although nobody can be so clever as to do it, the formula must exist just as if one could.
Septimus (pause) Yes. (Pause.) Yes, as far as I know, you are the first person to have thought of this.

Thomasina Yes, mama. I did not intend to get you into trouble, Septimus. I am very sorry for it. It is plain that there are some things a girl is allowed to understand, and these include the whole of algebra, but there are others, such as embracing a side of beef, that must be kept from her until she is old enough to have a carcass of her own.

Lady Croom But Sidley Park is already a picture, and a most amiable picture too. The slopes are green and gentle. The trees are companionably grouped at intervals that show them to advantage. The rill is a serpentine ribbon unwound from the lake peaceably contained by meadows on which the right amount of sheep are tastefully arranged – in short, it is nature as God intended, and I can say with the painter, “Et in Arcadia ego!” “Here I am in Arcadia,” Thomasina.
Thomasina Yes, mama, if you would have it so.
Lady Croom Is she correcting my taste or my translation?
Thomasina Neither are beyond correction, mama, but it was your geography caused the doubt.

Septimus You must not be cleverer than your elders. It is not polite.
Thomasina Am I cleverer?
Septimus Yes. Much.

Thomasina Do we believe nature is written in numbers?
Septimus We do.
Thomasina Then why do your equations only describe the shapes of manufacture?
Septimus I do not know.
Thomasina Armed thus, God could only make a cabinet.

Liara: It's locked. Hang on, I've got a bypass shunt program that can crack it.
Shepard: How long will it take?
Liara: I don't know, Shepard. I've never broken into the Shadow Broker's base before.

Liara: Their attacks are disorganized. They'd be more effective if they attacked all at once.
Shepard: Please don't give the mercs ideas!
Liara: The next wave looks like a big one.
Shepard: You just had to give them tactical advice!
Liara: But now there'll be fewer left to deal with inside.
Shepard: Yeah, keep dreaming, T'Soni.

Shepard: You're going to make me sound like something out of a legend?
Liara: I can't help myself. You're a good friend, Shepard.
Shepard: You've been there for me too, Liara.
Liara: No, I haven't. I wish I could have joined you back on Illium.
Shepard: You made up for it.
Liara: Well... I suppose I did just write your name in the stars.

(The quote doesn't fully capture the sheer adorable of this scene, dammit...)

ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE ME CRY? IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT?

I'M SOR-- YEAH I'M NOT SORRY.

Atton: I don't like droids. They break. In the head.
T3-M4: Dee-deeet.
Atton: Well, whatever you call that thing on your...head.

Atton: Find any emergency supplies?
Meetra: Yes... and it looks like there's some clothes in here.
Atton: Dammit! Uh, I mean, good, good to hear it. No sense in you running around half-naked. It's... it's distracting. I mean, for the droids.

Kreia: I have had enough of this – I will be in my chambers."
Atton: Yeah, me, too. I'll be in my chambers. But since I don't have any, I guess I'll just go to the cockpit like I always do.

"Between assassin droids, a Sith Lord who looks like he sleeps with vibroblades, and being target practice for a Republic ship, I was better off in my cell."

"Are you an angel? ... Ah, I'm just kidding. That's the worst line I've ever used. Hope some poor kid doesn't wind up using it."

"Are you blind? If I were her, I'd be screaming like a stuck mynock. Well, I mean a very strong, manly mynock..."

"Please, I'm a thousand years older than you. Put your baby fangs away before you piss me off."

Eric: The vampires here, they're like cowboys. If they don't get Godric back they'll want justice. They'll start attacking people.
Bill: Open aggression against humans? That's insane.
Eric: Well, it's Texas.

Luke: "We built junk racers more sophisticated than this out of spare parts when I was ten."
Ben: "Back in the old days. Back during the Empire. Back when starships were made of wood. Back when there were no holodramas, just puppet shows. Back when a hypercomm system was a long string stretched between two planets with a durasteel caf cup at either end…"
Luke: "You're not helping."

"Oh, but this is nothing like Dagobah, where mold rotted everything, duraplast included, and did it stink. Even my lightsaber blade stank. Food stank. Yoda stank. Distilled water stank, I'm not sure how."

To the camera, confessional-style: "I don't know, I guess we're dating! Whatever, it's new, I don't like labels. ...Go away!"

Hanna: If it needs a tent, it's a circus.
Ashley: Says the girl who woke up at 4 a.m. for the Royal Wedding.
Hanna: I had to pee.
Ashley: For three hours?

Spencer: Hanna, you have all the subtlety of a hand grenade.
Hanna: Thank you!

Spencer: Just be careful and wear sensible shoes.
Hanna: I wear three inches or nothing.

Sharon: You tell people we're not related.
Jaye: It was just that one time.
Sharon: It was Grandpa's wake!

Eric: So, did you defy the chicken?
Jaye: Uh-huh.
Eric: And how'd that work out for ya?
Jaye: I think I may have killed a man.
Eric: Oh. So not as well as we'd hoped then?

"Yes, but maybe she's just a lazy whore. That happens, right? They can't all have hearts of gold and good work ethics.">

"The voices, the animals, I was just mad at them. But they aren’t demonic. It just feels like that sometimes when they make me help people."

Ron upon being presented with a notepad: Who the hell is Forp?
April: I don't know. Some guy called for you. It sounded like his name was Forp.
Ron: Did you get his number?
April: No.
Ron: Good girl.

Andy: Man. I spent like fifty hours working on those burgers.
April: I know. Hard work never pays off.
Andy: Cooking is dumb.
April: I swear on this dead crow that I will never cook for you.
Andy: I love you.

Edited 2012-08-11 22:45 (UTC)

Annie: The Dean had his seventh epiphany today, which has given me an epiphany of my own: the Dean is a genius. He has to be. If he isn't, then I've given almost two weeks of life to an idiot; that is unacceptable. Therefore, the Dean is a genius, and I will die protecting his vision.
Abed: Are you by any chance familiar with Stockholm syndrome?
Annie: Is it something that the Dean created? Because if not, I don't care.

Britta: There's only one solution. Someone has to go to Chang and talk to him.
Annie: I vote we all look at Jeff at the same time.

Annie: Before we start, I'd like to have a preliminary pow-wow, or prelimi-wow, about what I'm calling our library's back-door conundrum.
Abed: That sounds like a porno starring Kate Winslet.

Jeff: If it's any consolation, she got me here on a very misleading text message.
Annie: Technically, you are about to be screwed in the biology room.

Jag: I hereby agree to take custody of you, Tahiri Veila. You will obey my orders to the letter, and not go haring off as if your last name were Solo.
Han and Jaina: Hey.

Jag: I don't think I've ever seen a safe house with such a well-stocked liquor cabinet.
Han: There are some things you just don't skimp on. For me, that means good alcohol, and good blasters.
Jaina: Which go together so well.

(upon meeting Warren)
Kitty: Dibs.
Storm: Stop it, Kitty.

Emma: This, children, is Kitty Pryde, who apparently feels the need to make a grand entrance.
Kitty: I'm sorry. I was busy remembering to put on all my clothes.

Kitty: Sorry about the timing. Did I miss the sorting hat?
Hank: Just Scott's scintillating introduction speech.
Scott: Even I was bored.

"How much detention are we allowed to give? What is the maximum amount of detention the human body can withstand?"

Emma: Three students were missing from my ethics class. Seventeen overall. Logan had to break up two fistfights and a mystical swordfight. And that dreadful Guatemalan crab-boy is at Benetech telling reporters this is every mutant's only chance to avoid burning in everlasting hellfire. This is eating us from the inside out.
Kitty: Oh my God ... you teach ethics?

Emma: J. Jonah Jameson'll be tongue-kissing Spider-Man before the X-Men catch a little public favor.
Kitty: Why do you insist on saying things I can never unhear?

"Weird is relative. You're talking to someone who's been regarded as dinner by space aliens more often then you've had fresh air in your lungs."

"I've been an X-Man since I was fourteen, Pete. It's like wearing a big sign saying 'Please try and kill me, I like it.'"

Kitty: Are you gonna fight everyone, Logan? I just wanna know if I'm next.
Wolverine: Nah, you'd go ninja on me- I can't take that kind of hurt.

Pete: I don't believe this, and I still don't see why we had to bring the flying rat.
Kitty: He wanted to come, I could tell.
Pete:He wants to kill me, burn my clothes, and hide all my cigarettes. He told me.
Kitty:Lockheed can't talk.
Pete:I heard him. He stole all my stuff and told me to back off or-
Kitty:Nasty man's gone mad, Lockheed.

Emma: I positively throb when he gets that tone.
Kitty: Your not saying that would be nifty.

Meggan: You're too late!
Kitty: You're wrong. I'm the hero. I'm just in time.

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Meme: Quotes!

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