NEW MEME: I Can't Believe This is Canon

[sith_happened]

Inspired by yesterday's meme of how well we know each other's source material, here's a new twist!

Tell us something that seems like it came it out of a fevered fan's dream but is, in fact, 100 percent real canon for your character(s).

For example, this:

Obi-Wan Kenobi opened his eyes to find himself staring at what he strongly suspected was Anakin's butt.

It looked like Anakin's butt—well, his pants, anyway—though it was thoroughly impossible for Obi-Wan to be certain, since he had never before had occasion to examine Anakin's butt upside down, which it currently appeared to be, nor from this rather uncomfortably close range.

And how he might have arrived at this angle and this range was entirely baffling.

He said, "Um, have I missed something?"

"Hang on," he heard Anakin say. "We're in a bit of a situation here."

So it was Anakin's butt after all. He supposed he might take a modicum of comfort from that.

is a completely real quote from the Revenge of the Sith novelization and a gift to the world at large.

So tell us about the amazing ridiculousness that is absolutely real for your canon!

Comments

[stykera]

Oh man I'm going to have to come back to this when not on tiny phone internets. Because it is just too much.

But. One time there was a video game made from Stark's brain with John's memories and this outfit is only the tip of the iceberg.

[stykera]

OKAY I come bearing gifts and by gifts I mean real weird shit that 100% happened.

More of the video game:


John Quixote as an episode really can't be explained it must be experienced.

Maldis existed. He was an evil space wizard. When he returned for his encore there was an evil painting that tried to kill people. I don't make the rules here I am just telling you what happened.

Aeryn got injected with Pilot's DNA after Pilot had one of his arms ripped off and she started turning into a hybrid but she got better. This was all the fault of a very large and mutated rat who was literally named Ratman spelled backwards.

In Peacekeeper Wars Rygel accidentally gets pregnant with John and Aeryn's baby because he picked up all of their little crystallized bits off the ocean floor when they got turned into dust at the end of the series finale and Aeryn was pregnant when she got crystallized. HOW WE LAUGHED at Comic-Con when they told us that Rygel would be pregnant in PK Wars. Little did we know they meant it.

The entirety of Won't Get Fooled Again.


One time D'Argo accidentally put Crichton in a coma and this happened inside Crichton's brain:


The bodyswap episode happened:



This:


That time Rygel saved the day by peeing fire:


This:


Delvians, like Zhaan, are plants. Plants like light. Intense light gives Delvians photogasms.


You may draw your own conclusions about what Stark and Zhaan may have gotten up to in the privacy of their own sleeping quarters.

[notarockharpist]

Listen. Listen.

Leaping dramatically off a cliff only to be caught in midair by a literal angel who's only just gotten her wings, taking a romantic flight together against the backdrop of a waterfall and a jungle with a volcano... and then plummeting comically but acrobatically into a pool of water (because you didn't know the wings only last for a minute) and being awkward incoherent disasters at each other. That's some pure fanfic trope fest business right there, right?

NOPE THIS SHIT ACTUALLY HAPPENED. I may or may not have been screaming about it for three solid months now.

... though given the medium for this canon, my disbelief is mostly of the "I cannot believe the dice rolls worked out perfectly to make this happen" variety.

Or maybe I just like throwing that clip at people given the slightest opportunity. SUE ME.

[goldfishontherocks]

Also, because it is a perennial goddamn classic and peak Dungeons and Dragons and I am therefore legally required to link it for the thousandth time: KEYFISH.

... probably not a coincidence that the two moments I think of immediately involve Marisha Ray just yeeting her character off a cliff. BUT WITH TOTALLY OPPOSITE RESULTS.

[superjoanjett]

I would like to submit Season 2 of Jessica Jones which centered around Jessica's mom still being alive, with powers, and also a homicidal maniac.

It is mentioned once or twice in the first two episodes of season 3 and then never discussed again. Thank God.

[superjoanjett]

Oh. I forgot the part where one of the main characters had a singing career and hit hit song and video that was 99% Trish Walker singing "I want you cray cray" over and over again.

[hatesparadise]

Like that one time in Hawaii Five-0 where Danny and Steve end up on a couples' retreat because Steve thought it was meant for work partners and not romantic partners as part of their state mandated therapy sessions.

[grenadesandohana]

Or where they are working undercover and Adorably Nosy Neighbor Cloris Leachman assumes they are gay?

And whatever this was:

[defenderofdesmoines]

there's a superhero orgy, with powers involved. Let's just get that right out of the way. Apparently more of this is coming in season 3. Also I am not spoiling anything, but on that note: the final scene of season 2 is apparently a joke that Eric Kripke made, Amazon wouldn't let him do it in season 1, and then it was successful enough that he was allowed to finish the second season with...that.

like seriously I can think of a grand total of two sex scenes on this show that don't somehow involve someone's superpowers, and one of them is really weird in a very different way.

there is a scene where Butcher and Annie discuss the smell of Hughie's hair.

there is also a scene where two men watch porn parodies of people that they know. (Starlight Takes an A-Train and Homebanger: Red, White and Anal being some key titles.)

there is also an iconic scene where Queen Maeve refers to Hughie as Annie's twink, to his face.

Annie's life is, indeed, saved by an Almond Joy at one point, which is less 'this sounds like fanfic' to me and more 'no, it's not just a meme.'

also there is the Kirei Shoyu commercial that The Deep did that I linked yesterday, but we have also been blessed with Starlight's skincare commercial, and this Vought onboarding video.

[my_own_advocate]

I kind of want to just yell 'THIS ENTIRE CANON'. Instead I'm probably going to keep coming back and adding things to this thread...

So one episode, Maze secretly runs around Los Angeles at night saving people while wearing fake wings. Lucifer's been having meltdowns about his wings coming back, and so the idea he might be sleepwalking as a superhero sends him on this bizarre spiral where he'll do literally anything to stay awake, from hard drugs to watching the entirety of Bones in one sitting. And, well.


Lucifer Morningstar: So what have we got, Booth?

Chloe Decker: Booth?

Lucifer Morningstar: Yes, the FBI agent on "Bones".

Chloe Decker: The TV show?

Lucifer Morningstar: Uh-huh. Watched all 12 seasons. It's riveting stuff. It's like watching a documentary of us.

Lucifer Morningstar: You're clearly Booth. I'm Bones, obviously

Chloe Decker: Obviously.

Lucifer Morningstar: Kevin's autopsy report. Good.

[Flicks through the pages]

Lucifer Morningstar: Now, I've been thinking, perhaps there was a slight depression on the occipital, or slight fractures to the femur? Did you know there were 206 bones in a human body? Each of them a clue, sometimes twice. And the coccyx is not what it sounds-...

Chloe Decker: No coccyx.

---

Lucifer Morningstar: [Confronting suspect] I know you killed Kevin Winstead. And I know you killed that intern at the hospital. Yeah. Burned her body. Only her cranium was left in the smoldering, smoldering ashes.

Chloe Decker: ...Lucifer. Lucifer. Are you talking about an episode of Bones?

Lucifer Morningstar: Wha...?

[Thinks]

Lucifer Morningstar: Oh, yes. Oh, yes, no, I suppose I am, actually. Yes, episode 306. "The Intern in the Incinerator."

[Turns to suspect, who is the actor from said episode]

Lucifer Morningstar: Yes, of course. You were quite good.

Matt Kessman: Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah, that wasn't an easy role.

... and then the whole montage of him trying to stay awake is just... holy hell.

[my_own_advocate]

Then there's the whole episode where Lucifer and Pierce (AKA Cain) - played by Tom Welling of Smallville fame - actually live the Fake Married Undercover trope and Lucifer milks the absolute shit out of it, down to making casseroles and kissing Pierce in the middle of a party.

Or the whole sequence of the cops having to interview everyone Lucifer's slept with in the past few months, featuring many of Lucifer's apparently bizarre sex moves, such as 'Gentlemen, Start Your Engines', which involves a car battery(?).

Or the scene where a man catches Lucifer sleeping with his wife, and Lucifer somehow convinces the guy that they were headed for a divorce anyway and so Luce might as well keep distracting the man's wife while he packs his things, right? And the guy goes for it.

... or when Lucifer's brother Amenadiel winds up extremely confused after Lucifer winds up cutting a hole in time and space to get their divine mother out of there safely, and winds up describing it as '🔥 🗡 🍩 👨‍🚀 ⏰ 👗 🔦 👍🏻' via text. "What does that even mean?!" "I ignited the flaming sword, used it to cut a hole in space and time, mums lights flooded through it, then it closed up behind her. All good!"

[long_memory]

Black Sails was pitched as "Game of Thrones with Treasure Island characters" and then the creators went SIKE BITCH YOU THOUGHT and made it about the world's angriest gay ginger instead.

So many fanfic tropes. Stranded at sea episode? Yep. Caged heat episode? Yep. Flint teaching Silver to fight and it's really about them talking about their relationship? We got you, fam.

First episode the crew takes Silver to see Blackbeard...she's a prostitute. We'll just say the beard is not on her face.

A serious show about serious business:

[betterthanaplan]

• Duke and Audrey go to Colorado for an episode and end up in the last hotel room in town where there is only one bed
  • They absolutely end up making out, yes
  • And then Audrey changes her mind and flees because this canon is a DAMNED DIRTY TEASE
• Duke's childhood flirting with tormenting of Nathan includes but is not limited to: getting other boys to help him put tacks in Nathan's back (penetrative imagery, anyone?) and stealing a live snake and shoving it into a locker he thought was Nathan's
  • Oh, and when Nathan broke his arm sledding as a kid, Duke apparently carried him to the hospital
• That thing I did last winter where Duke ran into his junkie mother and she propositioned him for sex? Yeah, that's taken from canon
• Duke gets canonically turned into a teenager for an episode
  • and into an old man in another one
• Duke and Nathan bodyswap (and it's GLORIOUS)
• For several episodes in season five, it really looks like the show's going to solve the love triangle by splitting Audrey into her good and evil sides and having the good one hook up with Nathan while the evil one gets with Duke
  • Mara -- the evil side -- absolutely plays on this to ROYALLY (and literally!) FUCK DUKE OVER and I love her

I'm honestly pretty sure at least one of the writers of this show cut her teeth on fanfiction. Like, woman talks about writing Duke getting tased by a psychotic Dwight and cackles. She is a writer after my own heart.

[weirderthanthou]

I'm still distressed about the fact that Mara/Duke sex scene is kind of hot WHEN I KNOW WHAT SHE'S DOING TO HIM

[throughaphase]

I'm likely to add to this all day but I want you all to know that in current canon Kitty is a drunken pirate with knuckle tats.

[knife_bender]

Where do I start???? I mean even pushing aside the stuff you know from the start like the android mom and Five being 60 in a 13 year old body and Luther being part ape...

Going back in time where Diego is committed for trying to kill Lee Harvey Oswald and Luther works as muscle for Jack Ruby?

Five assassinating a part man-part fish guy?

Klaus has a cult called Destiny's Children?

Oh and Sir Reginald's whole deal revealed in season two?? Yeah that one is the weird one for me.

[badassprodigy]

Barry's canon is just over the top ridiculous.

• When he was a toddler he built a space telescope out of a video camera and an Atari 2600


• He once knocked the Earth off it's axis and almost created another ice age.


• He turned his aunt into a Cronenberg nightmare


• He filmed a documentary on migrant workers that won an silver medal in the Montreal Film Festival


• He built his own lightsaber because he was inspired by the Star Wars Prequels


• Had a "Iron Man" type suit of armor powered by a remanant of a dwarf star


• Created an antidote for an Ebola virus variant in about five minutes using the equipment from a middle school chemistry lab.


• Removed the hair from a tween Sasquatch so she could pass as a human.


• Stopped a cholera outbreak in New Zealand


• Dispatched a horde of barbarians with his bare hands


• Poisoned an entire class so he could go on a school trip with a girl he liked


• Built an "image inducer" so he could look like Ricky Schroeder from the Silver Spoons era.


• Single handedly took out a group of art thieves who took a school class hostage


• Built anti-terrorist equipment for the Israelis


• Accidentally gave hippopotamus the reproductive capabilities of rats
• 
  

And most of that stuff happened "off-screen".

[thatwaslucky]

I'm not going to spoil it beyond the press release stuff because it just came out like twelve hours ago, but...

*points to the entirety of the Lego Star Wars Holiday Special*

It's a brand new holiday special wherein Rey time travels.

Am I not supposed to ship her a little with younger!Luke now? By asking that am I proving my own point here?

[weirderthanthou]

Control is mostly just a lot of weird played really straight while remaining... weird. I've linked the Betamax tape of Dr. Casper Darling singing a filked version of 'Dynamite' about Jesse in Jesse's head like a dozen times and it never gets old, tbh.

But there's just weird stuff all over the game, from the giant anchor monster who spits clocks to the runaway synthwave video camera to random notes from Federal Bureau of Control staffers who are cranky that the bathroom has apparently moved to another plane or something for the fifteenth time and they're sick of it to just, like. Random lucky cat statues that you find in the weirdest places, like on the other side of a chasm, still waving their paws? YOU CAN PUT THEM ALL ON AN ALTAR.

Or the massive sentient mold that took over a floor or the magical thermos that turns all coffee into excellent-quality coffee regardless of its quality as it goes in, the surfboard that makes you feel super self-confident, a fan that removes all oxygen from the vicinity, or a chair that's simply labeled, "Under no circumstances is the item to be sat in."

(I'm also oddly fond of this OOC-but-IC video of Jesse's voice actress and face/body model showing us around the game studio.)

[justice_undone]

I suppose the relationship between Breq, the ship Mercy of Kalr who she is captain of, and Seivarden might count as a bit odd if you haven't read the books. Ships love their captains, Breq used to be a ship and has lost that part of herself, Seivarden ends up being non-sexually physically close with Breq for Ship who no longer has ancillaries. And Seivarden loves Breq although it's not reciprocated to the same extent. But it does make sense!

I'm not sure that a Radchaai planet of tea is really surprising, but it's still a whole planet of tea plantations.

On the more funny note, here are a few quotes from the Presger Translator Zeiat, who may look human, but is not, and who likes eating things. Especially fish sauce, eggs and game counters. And whole oysters and live fish. She's weird and funny and very scary.

“Please, sir.” Tisarwat seemed not to have heard either of them. “We can’t leave things the way they are, and I have an idea.” That got the translator’s full attention. She looked up from the game, frowned intently at Tisarwat. “What’s it like? Does it hurt?” Tisarwat only blinked at her. “Sometimes I think I might like to get an idea, but then it occurs to me that it’s exactly the sort of thing Dlique would do.”

“I am so glad I'm not Dlique. Did you know she dismembered her sister once? She was bored, she said, and wanted to know what would happen. Well, what did she expect? And her sister's never been the same.”

“Ridiculous!" scoffed Anaander. "Translator, ships and stations are not Significant beings, they are my property. I caused them to be built."
"I'm given to understand," said Translator Zeiat thoughtfully, "that most, if not all, humans are built by other humans. If that's a disqualification for Significance, then... no, I don't like that one bit."

“Good, good. Always remember, Fleet Captain—internal organs belong inside your body. And blood belongs inside your veins.”

[lilac_eyed_lieutenant]

Presger translators are 100% the best answer to a question like this, Amaat bless them. XD

[crimson_sister]

I find it a bit hard to come up with something about Crimson Peak, because it's just packed of gothic horror tropes, and if it hadn't been made by Guillermo del Toro and having good actors it would be terrible. I like the elevator though, it seems a bit out of place to me but fits well in the story. And the fact that the house is more or less standing on the clay pit and that you reach it through the basement. And the hole in the roof. I love the hole in the roof. But yeah, a lot of it doesn't make sense and it's more symbolic than realistic.

[crimson_sister]

I just realised all of this was about the house. What does that say about me?

[heroic_jawline]

Well, there's an absolutely huge fanservice at the end of Endgame before we Get to the Ending Fry Doesn't Discuss, but mostly...

the Captain America PSAs from Spider-man are a gift to the fandom and we are not worthy of them.

[scoffs_at_tradition]

Black Panther blessed us with this:



And this:

, which killed in the theater in Ghana.

[hashtag_chocobro]

This side quest.

That's all.

[somethingwithturquoise]

Like, anyone who pays even a fraction of attention to Summer knows that her canon is straight up bonkers, so all I'll bother to include was that I was not disappointed with all I've been hearing about the latest season's infamous dragon episode, which did, indeed, include Summer's involvement in a soul orgy with her grandfather, her little brother and "every dragon we could find", and I don't think I will be bringing that into the game...

...of course, I also said that about Summer accidentally turning herself into a giant after a homebrew boob job gone wrong, and....well...

Whoops.