HORRIFYING AMALGAM MEME: I can't believe it's (maybe not) canon!

[designateddadfriend]

Hello! I'm having one of those days where I'm so bored it feels like my brain is slamming itself against the inside of my skull in desperate search for dopamine (if you ever wonder why I torture my characters, it's so my brain doesn't turn on itself). SO LET'S HAVE A MEME!

Or more precisely, LET'S HAVE A HORRIFYING BLEND OF TWO MEMES I COULDN'T CHOOSE BETWEEN!

The first, which we haven't done since November 2020 and then only once, I can't believe this is canon:

Tell us something that seems like it came it out of a fevered fan's dream but is, in fact, 100 percent real canon for your character(s).

The second, which we haven't done since May 2021, before which we hadn't done since 2014, Head canon v. real canon:

Provide us five bits of things you totally made up headcanon for your character, as well as five things that are, sadly, canon but could sound like you made them up.

Resulting in:

Tell us either something that is actually canon that you can't believe isn't something that some crazed fankid made up themselves, or something that you, a crazed fankid, came up with yourself, and those of us who have never indulged in your canon have to guess if it's real or not! Heck, you can even go wild and two-truths-and-a-lie it if you want, but . . . maybe tell us how many head canons and how many real canons there are? Just to be nice. ;D

Comments

Two truths and a lie

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

One of Jon's coworkers was replaced by a monster for an entire year and none of them noticed.

Jon's original boss and his later boss were repeatedly married and divorced.

An avatar whose power involves twisting and molding flesh used it to open a gym and give people the bodies they wanted.

Re: Two truths and a lie

[hasaknightjob]

The middle one sounds boring so I'm guessing that's the fake :D

Two truths and a lie

[sharp_man]

Hannibal gives terrible advice to the FBI and they never notice.

When he's preparing to go on the run, Hannibal burns his patients' records to preserve their confidentiality.

People still go to visit Hannibal in prison and let him cook for them.

Station 19

[designateddadfriend]

One of these is headcanon, the others are canon:

• Travis has "charmed" his way out of criminal charges -- including a felony assault charge after putting another firefighter in the hospital.
• Travis not only has done drag, but still keeps the outfit in the back of his closet and dreams of performing sometime in the future, once he gets up the courage.
• Travis grew up going to "Bible quoting competitions", at which he won many awards.

Re: Station 19

[what_the_shock]

I'm going to guess the drag thing is the headcanon, because the other two are horrifying.

Two truths and a lie

[two_idiots_one_body]

Arthur tried to be there when his daughter was born, but due to it being the 30s, they told him the father didn't belong in the birthing room, and he was traumatized not being there when his wife passed away.

Hannibal isn't my only cannibal. Oh, Arthur.

At one point, Arthur ends up with a different piece of the King in Yellow in him, and then that piece ends up in someone else.

Re: Two truths and a lie

[hasaknightjob]

Guessing the first one is not canon given all the other stuff canon seems to have given him to be traumatized with.

Two truths and a lie

[unusual_sith]

At one point, Lana was under death sentence for helping to kill her boss (another Sith).

Lana is bisexual.

Lana's datapad is heavily encrypted, not because of her spy work, but because she writes poetry.

Re: Two truths and a lie

[existencemisspent]

If we're going "lie", I'mma say the last one.

If we're going "headcannon", I'mma say the middle one, because many canons are sadly not that cool.

Hawaii 5-0

[grenadesandohana]

Two truths and a headcanon:

- Steve and Danny go couples therapy because by the governor of Hawai'i makes them.
- Steve was on SEAL Team 6.
- Steve has stopped more than one nuclear explosion.

Re: Hawaii 5-0

[scarlet_and_indigo]

Guessing he was on a different SEAL team?

Two truths and a lie

[what_the_shock]

Miguel is a lousy driver. What? He lived in Nueva York his whole life and took taxis when he needed them.

Miguel fell in love with both Gwen Stacy and Mary Jane Watson.

Miguel cheated on his girlfriend with his brother's fiancee.

Re: Two truths and a lie

[hasaknightjob]

Given that Miguel is way in the future I'm guessing something about Mary Jane and Gwen is the not canon.

[scarlet_and_indigo]

TJ plays drums in the Butt Monkeys.

In TJ's world, the Phoenix force is in the body of Colossus.

In one of the worlds they visit, the whole Civil War thing was avoided entirely because Captain American and Iron Woman got married.

Two Truths and a Lie

[pocketpretzels]

1) George Crabtree was the inspiration for Anne of Green Gables.

2) Watts was once replaced by an alien life form and the giveaway was that he was “acting as normal as you or I.”

3) A member of the Canadian intelligence department was launched into space with a rocket and crash landed in the Bornean jungle, where he became revered as a local god.

Re: Two Truths and a Lie

[no_missing_piece]

I'm pretty sure the second one was just what you said while watching it...

Primeval

[itsananomaly]

1) Cutter died because he ran back into a burning building to save his ex wife, who then shot him for his troubles

2) Despite being a tenured Professor, Cutter never actually turned up to teach his classes

3) Cutter tried to get together with his best friend after his wife’s disappearance, not realising that the two of them had had an affair while they were still married

Re: Primeval

[hasaknightjob]

I feel like #2 would be true of so many real world professors too... :D

Star Wars

[sith_happened]

Two truths and a headcanon:
1) Anakin once deactivated his breathing apparatus so he could sneak up better on Obi-Wan to try to kill him.
2) He uses the Force to make his robes ripple when there's no wind.
3) He doesn't really drink.

Re: Star Wars

[hasaknightjob]

The leitmotif of Anakin's canon is that he is a messy bitch who lives for drama.

Horizon: Two Truths and a Lie

[no_missing_piece]

Okay, more than two because I couldn't decide, but only one is cake. I mean, a lie.

APPARENTLY being queer just comes with having Elisabet Sobeck's genetic blueprint?

One of the types of machines that can be found wandering the world is a giant robot pangolin that spits glue.

Beta had an absolutely miserable time of it adjusting to life at GAIA Base after growing up in the extremely sterile confines of a spaceship.

The trillionaire jackass who destroyed the world survived a thousand years into the future as a mutant blob trapped in the reactor core of Thebes, his private underground bunker beneath the Transamerica Pyramid in San Francisco.

Re: Horizon: Two Truths and a Lie

[hasaknightjob]

I don't want it to be a lie but I'm guessing pangolin?

Once Upon A Time

[noonedecidesmyfate]

Belle's father's cursed identity is a florist who owns a shop called "A Game of Thorns."

Belle briefly dates Will Scarlet while on a break from Rumplestiltskin.

Belle's zygote (who may or not be Morpheus) tells her to break things off with Rumple.

Belle's betrothal to Gaston ends when Rumple turns him into a rose.

Belle made friends with Grumpy the Dwarf who was named Dreamy at the time while drinking in a tavern.

Belle once saved Robin Hood's life.

Belle spent 28 years without memories and being "cared for" by Nurse Ratched in the basement of the hospital.

Belle decides to live on Hook's ship while pregnant even though he tried to kill her and her husband multiple times each.

Yeah I haven't come up with any headcanons the top the real stuff.

Re: Once Upon A Time

[no_missing_piece]

*stares forever*

Moon Knight

[hasaknightjob]

This is hard when I've already made no secret about the talking hippo. Giving it my best shot! Two are canon, one is headcanon.

Steven's relationship to reality is so tenuous that not only did he believe he was having daily conversations with his mother for months after she (unbeknownst to him) had died, but he doesn't even know her name.

The fact that Marc and Layla were married sounds implausible until you realize it happened during the five years after the Snapture. We're not saying it takes a universe spanning apocalyptic event for Marc to get over his commitment phobia, buuuuut....

Marc and Layla's "meet cute" was him telling her that her father was murdered while omitting the detail that he was involved in said murder. He continued to never tell her about this over the ten years of their relationship, and yes that is in spite of the fact that they were married.

Re: Moon Knight

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

Wasn't Steven just leaving his mom voicemail?

What Big Teeth.

[what_big_teeth]

Okay, so this is a great way to introduce aspects of my new character without having to worry about who picks up on the Info Post due to FriendsListing, so allow me to present THREE Truths, TWO lies about Eleanor Zarrin:

1) I was sent away to boarding school when I was eight for trying to eat a boy.

2) Even though I come from a family of werewolves, I cannot actually change into one myself.

3) My favorite poet is Alfred Lord Tennyson.

4) I had to swallow my sister to save her very, very recently.

5) I have the power of compelled speech, and can make people do things just by telling them to with just the tone of my voice.

Re: What Big Teeth.

[hasaknightjob]

No clue about this canon so going to wild guess 2 and 5.

The Magicians

[existencemisspent]

Two canons and a headcanon!

• Eliot has never actually finished reading a single book in his entire life
• Eliot literally gags when he has to remember his childhood spent growing up on a farm
• Eliot won his crown as High King by doing a monologue from Dirty Dancing

Re: The Magicians

[hasaknightjob]

Please tell me it's canon that he had to say he carried a watermelon.

The Muppets

[but_mostly_america]

- One of Sam's children is studying to be a taxidermist. They no longer speak.

- One of Sam's children is involved with an owl. They no longer speak.

- Sam was once married but his wife "flew the coop"

- Sam once told Alice Cooper he was a freak and was told "Thank you" in response

- Sam's favorite dessert is apple pie

ONE OF THESE I'VE JUST MADE UP

Re: The Muppets

[betterthanaplan]

Oh man, I only know one of these for sure, AND ANY OF THE REST ARE EQUALLY PLAUSIBLE!

*sweats in lifelong Muppet fan*

[betterthanaplan]

Two canons and a headcanon:

• Duke has a fully set up and powered iguana habitat on his boat -- but no iguana
• Duke reads Chinese and is conversant in Japanese and Russian
• Duke is secretly afraid of bananas

[hasaknightjob]

Iguana for headcanon?

KotOR 2

[suitably_heroic]

I am attempting to find the energy to do this for any character besides this idiot who I know entirely too well.

- Atton grew up on Alderaan and had a relatively ordinary youth until his father got killed in one of the opening volleys of the Mandalorian Wars.
- Atton showers maybe once a week, at that.
- He's a great mental multitasker and really observant. That means most of the time while he's talking to you, he's also thinking about that click the window makes when it moves with the wind, the way that fabric crinkles around that girl's chest or the card game he played last night.

Re: KotOR 2

[intheeyeofthebeholding]

Is the shower thing the headcanon?

Lucifer

[my_own_advocate]

Okay fuck it, let's try one more.

- Owns at least ten monogrammed bathrobes in various shades of ridiculous.
- Doesn't just own a castle, but multiple castles, to the point where he can just hand them out if he wants to.
- Is still mad that several of his posts got deleted from a poultry forum years ago.

Re: Lucifer

[designateddadfriend]

Look, it is not his fault that the moderators were unprepared to seriously discuss his precious cock.

(That's not a guess, I just wanted to say it. ;D)

Sons of the Fallen

[carbsliftthespirit]

Two canons, one headcanon.

1) The only way to truly defeat Lucifer is to stab him with a sword with all of the deadly sins' souls in it. They can then only be freed from the sword by their one true love.
2) Being some form of LGBTQ+ is far more statistically likely among supernatural beings of all stripes, from demons to angels, than it is among humans, and in fact is considered the default. It's considered kind of weird that Castor's boyfriend's siblings are both straight.
3) The slits on a Nephilim or angel's back for their wings are an erogenous zone.

...I have so much more but my headcanons are like "making the timeline make sense" and canon's like, "There's a guy who has a tattoo of a sword that turns into a real sword."

Re: Sons of the Fallen

[hasaknightjob]

Don't know the canon at all but going to guess #2 has an element of headcanon. The first part is true, the second part about it being weird about the boyfriend's siblings is headcanon?

[anomaly_research_nerd]

Three Truths and a Lie

- Connor had a crush on Buffy the Vampire Slayer

- Connor lived in London and rode public transport everywhere and never learned to drive

- He is basically obsessed with fingerless gloves and vests

- Connor nearly froze to death during an emergency at ARC headquarters

[hasaknightjob]

Totally doing this based on Miguel earlier but guessing never learning to drive is the lie?

Farscape

[stykera]

The depressing edition, because Stark's life is TRAGIC.

Stark unwillingly participated in making a video game out of his and the dead Crichton's memories.

Before Zhaan's death Stark had already dealt with 15,000 others.

Stark tips extravagantly because he thinks people in service positions always deserve more than they get.

Stark doesn't remember any of his family because he was enslaved his entire life.


An even split there between headcanons supported by canon and ACTUAL canon.

Re: Farscape

[hasaknightjob]

Guessing last two are headcanon?

Depressing Tragic Past Edition!

[pocketpretzels]

Watts’s parents died of cholera when he was very young.

He was raised by his sister for several years until she got bored/frustrated with being a teen parent and ran off.

His foster brothers were both tortured and then murdered by the same man.

Two Truths & A Lie, One Chicago Edition!

[doctorgingerspice]

Spent an unspecified amount of time working as a doctor in Sudan.

Was a plastic surgeon in New York before he had to leave town for “reasons” and returned to Chicago.

When his mom was dying while he was in med school, he didn’t go to see her because he didn’t want his last memories of her to be of her in a hospital bed.

Re: Two Truths & A Lie, One Chicago Edition!

[hasaknightjob]

Oo! One of yours I can do without cheating! I'm guessing last one is headcanon.